Round 17 Guest Tipper
Transcript of hacked telephone conversation between Phil Legghert in Carmaux and Paul Sherwin on the road from Aurillac, during a lull in the Tour de Farnce
Phil: Well Paul, I think le garcons from Garmin-Cervelo have developed a smartypants strategy this year and are looking the goods to take out le Tour. What do you think – though perhaps there could be a threat from Team Highroad?
Paul: The sprinters from Team Highroad have run their race already, Phil, and I think that we will see that they’ll be taking the low road into the Champs Elysee this year. What about Contador – will he pull out all stops on the mountains and loosen a chain or two this year again?
Phil: Frankly Paul, I don’t give a toss about who wins le grand tour this year. My best boy Wiggins has crashed and the Manxmissile has won his stages, so the rest of the tour is a bit of a yawn for me.
Paul: Oh, OK – how about we change the subject then and get on to Round 17.
Phil: Good idea Paul. The first match is at AAMI stadium and what I do know is that the losing coach of this one could be climbing the Col de Sad Sac in a few weeks time. Hirdy's job should be safe for another week at least after this match because Craigy’s boys are still going round in circles.
Paul: Yes, I agree with you Phil. The second game is at the ‘G’, because it’s the Pies v the Blues, and neither of them know how to find Tullamarine. But I think ‘Rats’ Rattan might need a new set of Lycra after this weeks game. Collingwood to stay at the Tete de la course is my prediction. What do you think?
Phil: I agree with you as usual Paul. The Tigers and Gold Coast meet at Cazaly Stadium next….
Paul: Cazaly Stadium? Where’s tha…. Oh wait Phil – I can see the peloton is now going through Figeac and are only 5.24 mins behind the breakaway group. Do you think we should be getting excited and start raising our voices a few octaves for the television audience?
Phil: No Paul. I think you’ve been listening too much to Brucey from Channel 7 who gets excited at anything remotely special. Back to the match, and I reckon the maillot noir et jeune should lead from the front in this one.
Paul: Yes I do too – my backup team says the Gold Coast will stay in the sag wagon, especially without Gazza the Sun King.
Phil: Its certainly bad news about the sag wagon Paul. It’s already being over-used in this year’s Tour, with so many crashes and withdrawals. But let’s have a look at the big match of the round - St Kilda vs West Coast.
Phil: Big match! No, its an easy one Paul. The Eagles have folded before, but the worst fold will be this week against the Men of the Cross.
Paul: Oh ha ha ha – you made a funny joke Phil! I’ll have to remember that one for the next time we have a flat spot on the road. Now, let me see, yes … the next match is Melbourne vs Port Adelaide up in Darwin I believe? Where’s that?
Phil: Hmm not sure, Paul; I don’t think its anywhere near the cinque ports but I do think Port will sink yet again in this match.
Paul: Ooh look Phil – there’s been a fall in the breakaway as the leaders make their way to Vileneuve; oh no, wait a minute, its just Greipel off his bike taking a comfort stop on the road. Back to the AFL – where are we up to – oh yes, the next game is Sydney vs Fremantle in Sydneytown. Any ideas?
Phil: Well these two teams are like Cadell – they’re both slipstreamers Paul. They only play their best when they’re being pulled along by a better team. So it’s a tough game to pick, but if I have to, I’ll go for the red and whites at home.
Paul: Wise choice and well thought through as usual Phil. How do you think the lowly Lions will fare against the Cats, most recent twotime losers, but still near the top of the table?
Phil: I think for the Lions to win they’ll have to climb a mountain larger than the Col de Tormalet, and if they manage that, they'll be wearing polka dot jerseys next week. Not likely!
Phil: Yes, I’d like to see Vossy’s boys in polka dots too but there’s about as much chance of that as Lance making another comeback in the Tour Downunder. If they did turn out in the polka dot jersey you’d wonder about what’s hidden in their hotel rooms! Look at the peloton now Paul – they’re all lining up single file to pick up their musets. These boys have to keep up their calories otherwise they’ll stop in their tracks like…oh no!! There goes another bunch of them down like ninepins ... and here comes the sag wagon yet again!
Paul: It’s a tough tour Phil. But back to the last match of the round – North Melbourne vs Western Bulldogs. I hear that after the coach spoke to him during the week, Big Barry Hall will be tyred and cranky, so the Bulldogs could be at the arriere du peloton. But then it is Bastille Day on Thursday, and as the Bulldogs carry the French colours, how can they lose?
Phil: Ah yes Paul, I follow your reasoning and your three little homophones. Well it looks like the peloton has caught the leaders now and they’re only 10 kms from Carmaux so we had better start to wind up the enthusiasm and step on the exhilaration pedal for our viewers back home, given that they’ve probably all just about fallen asleep by now.
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